My dreams have been getting a little more violent, a little more disturbing than I'd really like to explain, but it kind of made sense after getting back my Assembly test today. As soon as I saw it I slipped it onto my laptop keyboard and closed the lid. My laptop: a fancy folder for things of shame. While he went through each question of the test on the projector, I sang pretty songs to myself in my head and played movies overlaying the scrolling gibberish code on the projector screen. Movies of people riding roller coasters, raising their arms, squinting, laughing, hair flapping in their faces. Some of them fell into giant meat grinders. I tried to keep them on for the most part.

I have a job now, and even though it starts at 7am, I like it well enough. The tasks are simple and not unpleasant, and I enjoy the stillness of the early morning. I worked alone, which I'm also fairly used to.

Things are really coming down now, though. The tests were last week, but I'm buried under labs and miscellaneous homework now. And I don't know what to eat. I had a Pepsi for lunch, and to be honest, I think that did more for me than a full lunch could've done at that point. Not that I have the food now to make a full lunch. Remaining quart of milk goes bad, and boom, suddenly I have nothing to eat--or at least I have no creative ideas at the moment.

On the bright side, my room is nice. Over the weekend I cleaned up the place. I vaccuumed, turned off the heater, and aired it out completely. I played LCD Soundsystem and Kraftwerk while I krafted hooks out of paperclips (mmm, using wire cutters and pliers makes me feel manly) and hung scarves from the walls. My room was transformed from a depressingly blank muggy and yeasty bedroom cell to an open, airy, colorful and comfortable living space. I left my door open while I was polishing my work, and some neighbors actually walked in and stayed to chat a bit. They were not software majors. I'll have to take a little effort to keep it this nice. I should leave my door open more often, too.

Another 5-hour night of sleep, then labs labs labs.

Something for pure aesthetics. Maybe something with
unspilled saliva, unspoken tears of consolation,
something to make up for unpaid dues. Lines
of English devoid of purpose or any sort
of profundity. Maybe some big words
the kind that isn't used all that
often, to give it a sense of
uniqueness? Though the
feeling isn't really
unique. People feel
empty all the time
People stay up
late at night
all the time
for reasons
pointless
baseless
like me
tonight
every
night
this
week
for
nil

And when I do decide to go to bed, how wonderful
these vivid dreams are. Sure, they're strange like
most dreams you hear babbled from your friends when
you don't really care to know the details of nonsense
but it's mostly the feeling I crave. The nicest plays
out after waking up first from the sounds of the morning
all happening around me while I continue to sleep in, now
slightly roused from the deep dark state of rest, my brain
revving its creative engine to feed me stories of some world
I've never been to but is incredibly familiar. What stands out
most about it is how fun it is. It's fun. Forget games, forget
watching television or movies. This is even more real. Feels
even more real than real life sometimes. It's bold, so full
of color and feeling. I don't even remember most of what
I experienced in these dreams, but I remember waking up
and seeing the clock, not wanting to see the clock
but my body somehow knows the time and why it is
crucial to my success in life. In real life.
Real life. I'm happy in real life, I know
I am. Things are going well. Maybe I
am not living it totally the way
I should, but I try sometimes

And the hardest things to put into words
even in senseless varying lines of prose
will stay locked in. Dust will settle
and details will fill the ridges
and whatever keeps me up tonight
will take a Vicodin.

I see you, and you, and you.
I can only imagine how you're feeling.
I wish I could help, but I'm not sure how.

Talk about cravings. And all I'm doing is reading music discussions on a site. There was no warning, no warning.

(I hotlinked all these avatar images. Sorry if that's a problem.)

I love the detail in this shot. You can see how fresh the syrup is, and I can almost smell the tang of the raspberries.


Are you serious? These brownies, I would stab all three with a single fork and NOM.


Is this chocolate milk? Yeah, I'd need this to wash down the waffles and brownies.


I don't even know what this is, either. But I would eat the heck out of it.


Fries are always good. The topping looks like thousand island dressing and mustard, but it doesn't matter--a little salt after all this sweetness would be fresh.


Yes please.


Mmm, how pretty and dainty! I do love chocolate.


A very simple and elegant avatar, great shot of this cherry tomato. I love fresh tomatoes.


I don't care that this is supposed to be witty--I like pie crust, a lot, and I like what's inside of it too. With neither a laugh nor smile I would pluck that thick pi symbol out of the top crust and enjoy it before digging into the rest.


Mmmm, more waffles. Shaped like hearts, no less! How cute! Is that supposed to be dipping sauce? Maybe not, it looks like strawberry yogurt. I would still try dipping them though. I love how homecooked and real this photo is.


Uh, bacon. This would be a no-brainer.