| Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Weird day. Weird days? I thought I had grown shy again, but things stretch when I go on without sleep. Everything is stretching and compressing. The night went fast and slow at the same time, and eventually I was where I needed to be, somewhat charged with an energy that took me through the end of the essay. I made a goal and met it. Did I feel good?

I felt very okay, which surprised me. I got through my first two classes fine other than the occasional nod and twitch. Math was a pleasant surprise. I didn't fail. I suck so much at college but luck is leaning in my favor. Karma will get me back though. I went to the CU building after it because it let out early, and gave me some time to revise the essay like whoa into something decent-like. I was late to Sociology, and the printer at the Info Desk printed unsightly shadows on the left sides of my essay, but it was done. I slipped into class. I try to call as little attention to myself as possible when I do that. I hate being late but it's happened already a few other times. It was during Sociology that I started seeing the ridges in the wall and thinking, "Oh shit," and the very okay started draining.

Cracks in the concrete. Two, four, five steps down. The concrete rectangles were better. It's a longer walk to Purvine building, but the field is pretty. I like walking through it though I feel slightly bad for flattening the grass. I turned in my paper, and all my drafts too. Did I feel good? I think so, I think it did. I watched the clock for the class to end after that. Time stretched and the room compressed. When the guy beside me shook his leg hyperactively, it shook my seat too. Scooching is awkward in such a cramped area. The teacher wrote "Copia" on the board, and it struck me how beautiful that word is. Copia is what I need. Copia of ideas, words, creativity. I am going to print that word out and tape it to my wall. I knew what it meant but I didn't raise my hand.