When the sensible people have all logged off.

| Friday, October 16, 2009

Something for pure aesthetics. Maybe something with
unspilled saliva, unspoken tears of consolation,
something to make up for unpaid dues. Lines
of English devoid of purpose or any sort
of profundity. Maybe some big words
the kind that isn't used all that
often, to give it a sense of
uniqueness? Though the
feeling isn't really
unique. People feel
empty all the time
People stay up
late at night
all the time
for reasons
pointless
baseless
like me
tonight
every
night
this
week
for
nil

And when I do decide to go to bed, how wonderful
these vivid dreams are. Sure, they're strange like
most dreams you hear babbled from your friends when
you don't really care to know the details of nonsense
but it's mostly the feeling I crave. The nicest plays
out after waking up first from the sounds of the morning
all happening around me while I continue to sleep in, now
slightly roused from the deep dark state of rest, my brain
revving its creative engine to feed me stories of some world
I've never been to but is incredibly familiar. What stands out
most about it is how fun it is. It's fun. Forget games, forget
watching television or movies. This is even more real. Feels
even more real than real life sometimes.
It's bold, so full
of color and feeling. I don't even remember most of what
I experienced in these dreams, but I remember waking up
and seeing the clock, not wanting to see the clock
but my body somehow knows the time and why it is
crucial to my success in life. In real life.
Real life. I'm happy in real life, I know
I am. Things are going well. Maybe I
am not living it totally the way
I should, but I try sometimes

And the hardest things to put into words
even in senseless varying lines of prose
will stay locked in. Dust will settle
and details will fill the ridges
and whatever keeps me up tonight
will take a Vicodin.

I see you, and you, and you.
I can only imagine how you're feeling.
I wish I could help, but I'm not sure how.

6 comments:

Deathbob said...

Being there when they need you is all anyone can ask.

Anonymous said...

whatever else, you have great talent as a writer and not necessarily in software engineering. your eye for photography is also spot on. work at it and enjoy a creative life.

drFurly said...

best solution i've been able to come up with so far is to distract myself so much that i don't think about those people or that side of me.

maybe someday, when life permits the luxury of idleness for you and I, we can follow that rabbit hole a bit farther than we normally do.

Nuggit said...

Deathbob, your comment made me feel better when I saw it a few weeks ago. At least I can try to be there, even if I don't feel like I'm completely there in mind.

Anon, no idea who you are, but I'm flattered :) Thank you.

Distraction can work, but then there's guilt, then it feels "good" to wallow in it when it's not the point. Hopefully, Furly~ thought of this song when you mentioned "rabbit hole", btw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y40q86w7Chc

drFurly said...

I was actually thinking of this song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WANNqr-vcx0

but that song is cool too.

actually listening to that song just now brings back some odd memories i'm sure i'm ready to confront at the moment. o_O

w said...

i love this formatting.

text art poetry

stay in this mode and like anon said, you will have a creative life. the world needs techy creatives like us